phew, yesterday's finally over. i helped NEY with his poetry reading. he asked me to sing while he's reading the poetry. i asked TISTA to help playing the guitar, and it all ends last night. thank God, it's finally over. we only rehearsed like 2 hours before preforming. pretty nuts!! and well, it didn't come up the way it should be, but it was ok.

DARA, FIKA (a.k.a BULE), NAY, CHACHA, HIKMAH, REGE (who turns out to be 'the sastro's drummer), ERVAND, BATUR, JOAN, etc, came up and watched us also. but dara, bule, nay, chacha and hikmah was being so supportive. just to know that they're actually there, somehow made me feel comfortable :p

NITA (the nice and friendly and pretty nurmita tasnia) sms and said good luck, so did MARISA. huhuhu ... thanks pal!

one of the one who was being so supportive is TIAR!! yups! she kept on typing her favourite words .. "smangat!! smangat!! chiayoooo indy!!! hwahwakhwkhka" hehehe
but kinda miss her 'real' voice!! it's so audible ... :p
she was busy searching for the perfect song for one of the poetry. huhuhu, thank's tiar!

went home with tista afterwards. he told me about his puzzled minds about girls, huhuhu. and we share one more thing in common. we both feel like we have this so much love to give, but there's just no one there to receive it. huhuahahuaua. sometimes these kinds of feelings can torture u down.

thanks a lot people!! :D

[inhale] ...

what did i do to deserve this?
i love unconditionally, and what i get is shit!
not even a bit respect or aknowledgement.

'question guy' is just fading his way out, and what i thought was real started to blur. i change my nick on msn, and give those words as an ending. 'i hate you' .. sometimes those words sounded more taken then i love you. and when is the last time i get that word? nothing seems to be sincere. every time i close my eyes, what i see is only a blank vision of nothingness.

[he's online, but i don't have the guts to say hi .. darn it!]

i dont know where to turn to.. tista will kill me if he knows what happened.
sigh!!!!!

i got so many nice sms today, and last night. i cant really tell who sent what, but still cant really erase the joy of receiving it. i wonder why lately, there's not so many friends that was online. find it rather irritating, i feel so lonely.

went to budi's house yesterday. there's only chandra there. after church, we had lunch at eaton, bought some fruits [hell yeah!! fruits!!], then watched lotr together. it was fun. we had lots of deep talks together, shared about life and the process of beliving every single thing that you thought it was from God. not to mention, that we also talked about budi's old life.. hehehe, pretty shocking!!

aldi started to call me again. started to asked me out again. sigh.. not now!! dont feel like going out with him anymore.

i miss him tremendously! and he's sick right now. huhu, wish i can hold him in my arms and try to make him feel better.

[eating fried rice from La Bodega Grill, mix it with McD's french fries, and listening to Maroon 5, Harder to Breathe]

i feel a 'disturbance in the force', but cant really tell what it is..
in these times, the urge to smoke is unbearable ...

yesterday, i went to sonny and ney's place. and found several things that really surprised me. first of all, ney asked me to sing in his future poetry reading. so he gave me a copy of all of his poetry. one of his poetry has natalie portman in it. and i ove natalie portman a lot!! second ... well there's this illustration that sonny had been working on. and it turns out, on one of his illustrations, he used my body as a model. and it's so great!! i mean, i feel somewhat special. it actually shows my body from the back, naked. the only difference that there is, is that my hair is short. but the curls, well, you can tell that it's mine.

phew ... woke up in the morning and found out that my heart still confused. arrgghhh, i dont know what to do, to think, to feel. i didnt actually cried like what i told jedi. i guess, my heart cried. coz it feels so damn hurt. i think i've made a mistake, but i love him so dearly, even though he might not. but who can actually knows that for sure. while all i need in my life is ...

>>Hans Thomas says:
special....i think u shud feel special urself n not anyone can make u feel special unless u wanna b special urself
>>Hans Thomas says:
u get wat i mean dear?
:: InDy // Leave the gun, Bring the cannollis:: says:
yes

one problem that i have now is ... i become a person who doesn't know what she wants.

:: Foxy Lady // Jimi Hendrix ::

>>Hans Thomas says:
are u ok dear?
:: InDy // Leave the gun, Bring the cannollis:: says:
yes, i am
>>Hans Thomas says:
dont cry k
:: InDy // Leave the gun, Bring the cannollis:: says:
ok
>>Hans Thomas says:
its normal but wat i suggest rite now is for u to treasure him
>>Hans Thomas says:
treasure wat u haf now rather than hoping for wat u dont haf
:: InDy // Leave the gun, Bring the cannollis:: says:
ok
>>Hans Thomas says:
probably one day, he gonna realize who he really wanna be
>>Hans Thomas says:
it can b u
:: InDy // Leave the gun, Bring the cannollis:: says:
i hope so too
>>Hans Thomas says:
it can b separation but still dat doesnt mean u are not special
>>Hans Thomas says:
u are special always n even if not in his eyes, u are still special

  

indira was a Heartless B Movie Star in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

But when i gave it another try with my nick name, 'indy' ... i turn out to be ...

indy was a Saucy Serial Killer in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

hahaha, i guess when you've become a heartless person, it's an easy thing to jump as a saucy serial killer. at least if i was one, i know who i wanna kill. uhuhuhu ....

or!! while making a movie, i killed each individuals that i hate a lot.!! now that's logical :p

whether i'm making a mistake or not. you know yourself, how deep you mean to me. maybe it's already started to sound cliche, but .. i cant runaway from the truth, cant i? guess it will torture me down to the last thing i have left.

umm, i'm getting confused myself. dont really know, where to turn to right now. aku takut klo turn ke kamu, you wont be there. my cozy couch is running away. or at least he seems to resign :'p

a short glimps of my message to jedi. [hehe, i know that you might read this one, jadi udah gak beban lagi]. this way, you'll know what i thought that i've been through lately.

phew.. went out with tista yesterday night. we talked about so many things, including the dilemma that i'm facing lately. i feel like a puppet, pulled and controled by strings. i feel stupid.

what a friend i have in tista. he opened my eyes about so many things in life that i thought its the other way around. he took me to another step of viewing this life. cant imagine what my life will be after he leave. he said that he might leave between june to july. he wont be here until november. so sad just to think about it. miss him everyday. cant wait to see him again. we just have to spend more time together. so little time, so much that we haven't done. i'm gonna miss this best friend of mine real bad x'(

it all started from that day at Plaza Senayan. There's no such thing as coincidence. God put all things in order in the right time. Bless His name :)
i wrote another testimonial for him today. almost cried just by writing it. oh my dear. really gonna miss him big time!! :'p

oh well tis!! if you read this posting someday ... hope you'll know hom much i really care for you pal!! :) God put you in my life for a damn good reason, and i guess we both know why ...

huhuhuuuu ... Is it true that jedi had been reading my blog as well? :/ I had a good time yesterday, especially in the morning!! xD but when the day is getting late, I lost my mood in almost everything. jedi got so mad about yumma. Well he said it's more to the irritating side. [sigh] and the last time we chatted, he just sign out without even saying a thing, in the middle of a conversation. Now who's being impolite??

this is totally wrong. i'm beginning to miss him. i dont know why. this is totally wrong. like he cares?!

Jedi called me yesterday. He said that he missed me. Reality bites.

At this point of time, I'm writing this post at campus. It's still 10am in the morning, and I've got no place to go, but the virtual world.

I cant believe it. But it seems like it was meant to happen. I woke up this morning pretty fast, about 3.30 am. The computer was in stand by mode, so I sign in to the MSN messenger and found Yumma online. We started to talk, and it was so much fun. He was so sweet, but still cant really trust everything he said. He asked me to remember our first meeting at p40 bus. I said that I remember, and that it was still fresh on my mind. He said the same thing. He said that he was so happy at that time, but the day after that, I'm already with Jedi. hiks hiks ... Such a cruel world! hahaha

[music starts playing: January // Glenn]

so what's the connection between the story and the song? Nothing really. We both think that we had enough with our tiredness. We both feel that getting away to the virtual world releases everything that is so real in the world. Including the pain and all. At least on that particular time, we both know that in a matter of hours, we'll be coming back to the ol' cruel reality of life, with the loneliness, and feeling of lost.

he was kinda flirting me around and so do I. Actually, we both realized it, and just keep on doing it for fun. I felt so special for a couple of hours, and I guess so does he. At least he told me that he was having a good time chatting with me. But then again, I felt stupid.

we talked until 5am. It stopped when both of our mom told us to stop! [giggle]. So much for a coincidence ;) he wants to see me today, and told me to just skip my classes, but when I told him to hang out tomorrow, he said ok. I wonder if he's really saying what he said.. OK! [??] anyhoo... Guess I'll try to give him a call, just to make sure. Or just wish that I'll see him online tonight.. Or tomorrow morning?? [giggle]

don't know what to feel. Better consult myself with tista. Somehow I prayed that nothing gonna hurt me anymore. At least not as painful as the last time.

miss marisa so much! btw, I wonder why I cant access my own blog from this place? I cant even view my own site??!!


I just wanna know what it feels like to be loved again ...

this 'Question Guy' messaged me and said that last night he was dreaming of me. but what's wierd is that in his dream, he was driving me and jedi. hmm, then he said that on that dream it's supposed to be just the two of us going out together. whoaa!!! now what does he mean by that? first of all, it might seem like he's trying to signal me or something. on the other side, there's no doubt that he might did this to me for fun. i'm kinda scared that i might get hurt again. so i better leave this matter the way it was.

tista called me tonight, and told me that we should go out and have dinner. but because at that time i was at campus, cant really take his offer. huh!!! just remembering that he'll be gone soon, is making me missing him before the 'd' day. hiks hiks, it's so sad that another friend will have to go abroad again..

i wonder if he ever know what it feels like to cry your tears out every night before you sleep, what it feels like to say what you want to say and knew that it means nothing. what it feels like to waited until you realized that you've been waiting for nothing?? damn you men!!! .... anyhow, for every girls out there... torture them gals!! just torture them! :p

had a chat with tiar and her friend. it was fun, considering that i've got nothing else to do at home. gonna meet tista today, and it kinda brighten up my day. meeting friends that you just cant wait to talk to, is such a blessing :)

miss all of my friends a lot.. even tiar! even though i'm not that close with her, but miss her a lot :)


nobody else can show what a friends mean in a close term like these gank!

I'm Chandler Bing from Friends!

Take the Friends Quiz here.

created by stomps.

So many things happened today. Went to jedi's, met Marisa there. Talked with her a little bit, miss her a lot! After that, went to campus. We sat in the parking lot for more than an hour, just talked, and well ... haha, the rest is confidential man! anyhoo, today, I just cant take my eyes of him, miss him a lot. Just to be able to see him again, smell his scent, feel his skin ... It's everything that I ever wanted for the last 2 weeks!!

skip two classes today, didn't feel like went in and plainly study, or face another pop quiz! After that I realized that I'm having my period. The pain started squeezing my stomach, and so, I cant take it anymore. I went to sleep right on Tiza's back. Nay was very nice, she filled an empty mineral water with hot water, and like putri, tiza, and fika ordered, I putted it on top of my stomach. And it did work! But after that that darn pain started striking again! So putri bought me some pain killer pills, and I got back to sleep. After what it seems like hours, nay woke me up and we all went home. Those pain killers really work! After I reached home, the whole pain's gone. Remarkable what a chemical can do to your body!!

tista was very nice, he told me today through SMS that I'm a high quality girl, and that there's so many fish in the sea. And I understand what he means, he's such a great friend to have when you need an honest yet nice support. Thanks a lot pal! It means a lot!!

I feel very blessed today, there's so many friends out there that really cares and support me in everything that I'm going through. My campus friends, never thought that they can actually be that thoughtful. fika even volunteered to rub my stomach with vicks. tiza lend her jacket and cover my body with it. putri bought the pain killers and the drink. ari lend me his backpack so I can sleep on it, and his jacket as a pillow. nay, ran to get the warm bottle and took me home. Adam's the one who took my bag when I cant hardly walk.

Thanks a lot pal, and most of all, Thank God for giving me another blessing in disguise :D

You have a mysterious kiss. Your partner never
knows what you're going to come up with next;
this creates great excitement and arousal never
knowing what to expect. And it's sure to end
in a kiss as great as your mystery.


What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


hehehe, finally i've finished my PKA assignment. i wrote about Coca-Cola's TV ad, and i really like what i wrote. actually i just love coke's advertising. whether it's print ad or tv commercials. each one of 'em have their own vibe. two thumbs up for the ad agencies!!

we salute you all!!

he called!! i was so excited! finally!! hahaha

anyhoo, i feel that i'm a very diligent student lately. always there for class, done my homework, get active in class. phew, what more can u ask from a student like me man?!

just wanna say hello and deep gratitude to Mr Marathon Man for correcting me up by using harsh words, even though he doesn't know what really happened!

let's just make it straight, i'm not a stealer.

there might be some people out there that doesn't mind being treated with those darn words, but let me tell u something ... if u're pretty smart, u'll know that some of us do understand the usage of polite english words!!!!

for audi, so truthfully sorry. i've linked it to yours. :) it's my mistake for not checking the tag. human error, it happens once in a while.

about my clock ... so sorry if someone didnt like it, i just took the templates from those free blog skins. at the time when i finally chose the skin, my computer's clock was never right. and the date.. well, worse. sometimes it shows the year of 1997!! then i thought, "crap! i might as well just put a big clock on my blog!" And so it happened.

u know what, somehow i get really piss off with myself. if i just always remember to double checked everything, these kind of thing will never happened. i hate getting up in the morning and check my mails, and found an email telling me that i have to ...... ARRGGHHHHH!!!!! dont even want to remember the words!!!!! and it's all because i made a lousy little mistake of not rechecked a lousy little thing!!!!

GGGGGRRRRRRRR.... hate it when it happens!!!